The room became deathly quiet, with the exception of a few sniffles and coughs here and there. It wasn't a huge turn out but you could say it would have surprised her to see who all actually cared enough to show their faces. I always figured this would be one of those small family kind of deals. I never really knew her, I only saw her on holidays and birthdays, but as I sat there listening to each person in turn raise their hands I couldn't help but finally gain an understanding of her that I would have otherwise never had.
Aunt Denise had stood up first when the pastor asked if anyone had anything to say. I hadn't seen her in a good 10 years. I knew her health wasn't all that great but she always had a way of hiding her own problems for the sake of others. Today was one of those days, her face showed sorrow but her outfit was classy and she had worn that golden rose pin just for old times. There was a history in that pin though it was beyond me what the actual story of it was. Mom had mentioned it a few times but never told me the real story. Aunt Denise looked her best, as only she could do, she straightened her skirt and unwadded a few sheets of paper. She looked confused and out of place but she seemed to be holding it together despite her grief. She just stood there at the microphone for a few minutes glancing at her papers. Just like mom predicted, she let them fall the to floor as she raised her eyes to the congregation before her and spoke.
"Ya know, I had this whole thing written about T-Bird, that's what I liked to call her, but it's too proper for her. It started with she was a sister, a mother, an aunt, a great aunt, a grandmother and so on, but T-Bird was so much more than just a pronoun. She was the sister that came to our rescue when we called, she was the tough one, the most caring one, and prettiest one, and the most emotionally strong woman I have ever known besides our gran. She gave us all hope, she believed in is when no one else would. She reached out to let's see I count 7 that I know of here today, to help them along their own paths into adulthood. She would take the dirtiest stinkiest ugliest most unwanted dogs, clean them up, and find them homes, or make their families love them again. She did so much with so little but she always made it work. I once heard her say "I don't own a magic wand, but I think I can help you." She was of course talking to a dog! Needless to say T-Bird didn't care much for people and yet she changed so many thousands of lives for the better. She never wanted much. She just wanted to be happy doing what she did best. Loving animals? Is that really what she did best? She made my life better by association. She was my sister, and though we had our disagreements from time to time I always learned something from her in the process. Usually it was her old adage "dig in, grab hold, and pull your self up!". I could stand here and regail you all of the time she leased an apartment just to give me a place to live until I could find one of my own, because I had a bad experience with a boyfriend. You see I needed something and there she was willing to help me. I never got the chance to really repay her. She never asked me to, that's just the way she was. She'd give anyone her everything if she thought it would help them. Not just the shirt off her back, no she'd open her home to complete strangers because she thought they needed her help. So screw these few pieces of paper I had a few thoughts prepared on, this is T-Bird the free bird laying here people! We all knew her but no one will ever grasp the full spectrum of my sister's being unless we all stand up here and tell how she helped each of us. So let's do THAT! Instead of each of us walking by her one last time barely looking at her as most people did her whole life, let's each take turns as we pass her one last time and then stand here, right here, and tell her what she meant to You! Because admit it, you're all here because she touched your life in some way or another, I think there's even a few surprises out there in this room. She always said if there's no one laughing when I die then I didn't make a difference to anyone and that would make me very sad. So let's start this off with the back of the room, ushers one at a time please. We are going to be here a while so let's give her the endless patience she gave all those dogs and all of her friends what do ya say?"
The room went quiet again, and then someone in the back of the room started to walk up the isle, I didn't have to look, I knew who it would be, I had crushed on her for so many years. I was right to, I saw her well formed shape in front of Mom, she leaned over and put something that looked like tin foil on her hand, then she turned and went to the podium. Aunt Denise hugged her and held her hand she weakly smiled at her, and introduced her. "T-Bird called her Morgy" Aunt Denise didn't let go of Ariel's hand, but Ariel morganna began to tell about what mom had done for her.
"T-Bird, ah sigh... well that's interesting really, she became my friend when she moved to TN. She had been dating my best friends Dad you see, I know she had come from Oklahoma, and there was some stuff going on there, but she for some reason that I'll never understand hooked up with this guy. There she was one day, all cooking good food, and being all hippy and goofy. I don't know how she was before but that's how I knew her. She was a hippy type, she liked to grow veggies and cook and drink wine eh hum and um stuff. Ha ha. Ya know." The room chuckled a little and I can't swear to it but I think I heard someone strike a Zippo and light up a fat one... I know I smelled it a few minutes later. Morgy went on. "I didn't know it then and she didn't either but a few years later after she had moved to an apartment by herself, I needed to experience freedom from my parents. She said to me "Morgy, I'm about to move in with a new guy I've been seeing and my lease isn't up yet. So if you want you can have my apartment until my lease is up and if you can pay the rent on your own when the lease is up just go put it in your name and keep it. If not, then you'll have to find somewhere else but it's a 6 month head start." What she didn't mention was that she was paying the bills on in the place for me. All I had to do was get a job and I would be able to have my freedom! It was great! I learned so much in those 6 months. It really sobered me up. You see I was only 17. My home life was miserable. I wanted out so bad I could taste it, but I wasn't truly ready for that. I didn't know it yet but T-Bird gave me the chance to jump out of the nest and see if I could fly. After 6 months of seeing what it took to be a real world adult and have responsibilities and such, I realized my parents and their house and school, and maybe even college wasn't so bad after all. You see she handed me my freedom on a silver platter and said here ya go if you want it so bad and you think your life sucks... try being me for a while. Thanks to T-Bird I now have a great relationship with my parents and I went to college and I did it because she said it wouldn't be easy but she believed I could do anything i wanted. I didn't know what I really needed until I met her. Peace y'all. Who's next?"
Morgy hugged aunt Denise again and walked back down the isle and stood at the door. Then I heard these long striding footsteps of a very casual swaying walk coming from the back of the room. I had never met him but I think Mom had called him Mark. An old bearded bald man, about 6'8", he smelled of diesel fuel and motor oil. He walked up to Mom and laid a Cuban cigar on her casket. I expected this giant of a man be all manly and tough looking, but I had only heard his name a time or two, mom never said much about him, just that he was a man she once loved. He walked over to aunt Denise, whispered something on her ear. Aunt Denise didn't smile at him. She didn't hug him, she just shook his hand and when her turned to the microphone to face us. I tell you I have never seen such a tough looking old man in my life, but his face was wet from tears. Mom would have been stunned. Her heart would have skipped a beat and she would have forgotten to breathe just because she laid eyes on him. Aunt Denise introduced him as well, "ladies and gentlemen, T-Bird loved only one man, she always talked about him, but I had never seen him before today, here is Mark.
He lingered for a moment with his head down, then he leaned over ever so cooly towards the Mic. He never really took his eyes off of Mom, but he spoke ever so softly.
"I did her so wrong. She loved me with all her heart, I know that much is true. I liked her just as well. I was her mechanic. She had a thing for mechanics, and I took advantage of it. I knew I didn't deserve her. I just wanted to be near her. I wanted to make someone jealous, and I used her for just that." He paused. The room was just locked on to this guy Mark. What the hell was this guy going to say next? I mean for God's sake man this is a funeral!
"I learned something from her though. I learned that no matter what your heart wants, go for it full force, let nothing stop you. She sure didn't. She would send me messages late at night when she knew I was working. She always drive at night. I knew she would always be there. So I would talk to her via her Qualcomm unit. I don't know how she did it but she had a way with words. Truly I fell in love with her messages to the point I wanted to capture her and put her in a bottle. T-Bird couldn't be tamed. She was a bit wild back then. I know I broke her heart when I sent her away, but she would leave a gaping hole in mine that I could never fill. Never again would I read such romantic and intelligent words so beautifully put together. That alone, made me lonely, but then, one day I met the one that my heart wanted, and as if from her very hands her words suddenly inspired me. I went after it with everything I had and risked it all to reach my goal. That's when I realized I owed her this much. I'm so sorry I hurt you so much T, but I can never thank you enough for showing me how to be a man that a woman would love to have." Mark wiped An eye and turned away from Mom. He kept his face down as he walked to the back of the room via the side isle. I watched him. She was right, he was a very graceful man for such a tall man. I can see why she would have loved him. She saw in him what no one else could see. She saw his grace, his calm, his swaying like a tree in the wind. She would have been drawn to him like a moth to a flame. Yet everyone else saw a big dirty mechanic, that looked like a redneck staight from hillBillyville.
The next guy I almost didn't recognize for a moment. He had changed so much over the years since I'd seen him. He was an American Indian. I knew he was older than mom when she was dating him but I guess she was right, Indians don't really age all that much. He looked a bit fatter than I remembered but there he was. He didn't hesitate to put something on her casket and just stride right on past like it was nothing. I'm not sure but it looked like an old metal pipe. He didn't say anything to aunt Denise. He just turned to the mic and said. "Mike here, I hurt her too. I was in the throes of addiction when I met her, I dragged her with me. She was so beautiful. I too thought I could tame her, for that I am truly sorry for I know now that she would put an end to my suffering. She left me. She had said she couldn't do it anymore for months. I came him one day and she was just gone. I felt so lost without her. I literally almost died. I went on a week long bender. But when I finally sobered up, I realized what she meant. It wasn't me she couldn't be with, it was the drugs. I never did coke again. I hoped for years id see her somewhere and I'd get a second chance to be a man for her, then I heard one day she had moved to TN. I guess she had to get away from me. I guess that's the only way she could get it through my drug addled mind that it really was her or the drugs. I had made my choice. She made me live with it. I'm sorry I couldn't love you T, but know that I wanted to." Mike turned and walked down the side isle as well as if to be with the ones that had hurt mom as if he didn't deserve to be in her presence. I was just shocked. I knew mom had gone through a dark time in her life but I didn't know it was with him. They always seemed so happy together. I had wished she had married Mike for years, now I know the rest of the story.
Oh God, I forgot about Nathen. There he was leaned over her with a mirror. "Just checking!" He chuckled as he turned around. Aunt Denise had brought the Mic down to him. He would pace when he talked and we all knew it. Aunt Denise hugged him so tightly he even had a tissue for aunt Denise. They both needed it.
"Thanks Lan. That's what The old T-Bird always called her. I met her sometime in 2011 I think. I was just a kid, 14. She was just so kind. No matter how much I took advantage of her she just kept being kind to me. So kind that I fell in love with her. Well crushy kind of kid love. She always needed help with something. It was always something simple and I would always gladly help her. I lived with her for a few years when I was 18. She gently let me peek at the adult world and she struggled her ass ass off to take care of me. For a while I let her struggle thinking I had her where I wanted her. But I soon realized she was guiding me into my manhood and there was only patience and love that she would give me with every passing day. I watched her work, I watched her go to work even when she was sick. And when she started to get weaker I hurt for her. Sure I had a hard job, but I chose my job because I loved it. She loved what she did for a living, and I wanted to love what I did. No matter how tired I was everyday coming home from work, I'd see her come home and I could see her getting weaker week by week. I would cry for her sometimes. She had dedication like no one else I knew. I needed to witness that. I needed to know what it looked like to be a respectable human being. I loved her. In her own motherly way she loved me too. She was the mother I needed but never had. She just wanted someone to be there for her, but I too left her. Not out of dislike. Oh no. I left her because it was time for me to go. I knew when I was ready to leave, she knew I'd know that all by myself. She didn't push me to leave. She pushed me to be better, and do better, and to know better. I am one of her success stories. I am Natertot! Natey loves you T-BIRD! Thank you. Peace out!"
Nathen had personality that's for sure. I knew he'd be there. I hadn't seen him since he was just a kid. He'd trimmed up quite a bit. He sure looked like a man compared to the boy I once met while I stayed with mom. He had made me jealous when I stayed there. I guess that's what I needed then. Was to be jealous enough to want to show mom I was better than him. My jealousy of nathen and the attention she showered upon him drive me to get off my ass and get myself going on my own as well. Huh. I guess mom taught me something as well. In her own wierd kind of way. Mom wasn't there for me much, but she was there when it counted.
The stories kept coming. The room was eventually all standing at the back doors ready to head to their cars, and the funeral director had surprisingly enough not fallen asleep. I noticed as he guided the pallbearers he too was teary eyed. I could only wonder if he had a story of my mother as well. Somehow I knew that was one story that wasn't going to be shared. I learned so much about my mother that day. I learned that every one she ever met was someone special. I was no different. I was actually kind of proud to be her son that day. Sadly I waisted too many years being angry and I never really tried to get to know her before. She always told me anger was a useless emotion. I wish I had understood what she meant years ago. Maybe then I wouldn't have waisted my happiness being angry at someone for loving me enough to be tough on me. She could have helped me. Like so many people that just used her for what they could get from her, I finally learned what I should have learned when I had the chance. Well I guess I'll just dig in, grab on, and pull myself up. I know that's what she would have done. She let some many people destroy her life, and shed just get up dust herself off and go on. I wish now that someone could have seen her for her real beauty and loved her as much as she loves helping people and their dogs. Guess that is what she'll find where she's going. She'll finally know true love.
